Bring Home the Gold…..Bond

I interrupt your daily dose of Olympic news to bring you some news out of USC.  Unfortunately for the Trojans, the sun isn’t the only thing burning in southern California.  The LA Times is reporting that up to 25% of the Trojan football team is suffering from jock itch. 

Apparently, their football program is now taking place in some sort of 80’s teen movie. 

This story raises a few questions, and to be honest, I don’t want to know the answers to them.  Needless to say, it’s created an itch that just can’t be scratched. 

But coach Pete Carroll says he thinks the outbreak is due to the players’ new “compression” shorts.  Show of hands here – how many people think compresion shorts sound like some sort of torture device used in ancient civilizations?   

Whatever the cause, the irritation is so bad it’s kept some players from practicing. 

“Sometimes they can’t walk,” said tailback Stafon Johnson. “I don’t know what it is, but I’m staying away from it.”

You’re a wise man, Stafon.  And might I suggest that the quarterback just take the snap from the shotgun until this little outbreak dies down?

In the meantime, perhaps they should just use Gold Bond powder to chalk the lines on the field.

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