TNS Presents – Time to Bash A-Rod

ATLANTA – I’m sitting on my couch at home and can’t help but feel frustrated.  I know you all are asking “why?”  Well, I’ll tell you why.  First of all, I can’t seem to find gasoline anywhere.  Just the other evening, I drove past 15 gas stations and they were completely dried up, no gas.  I went home and filled my tank with the gas can that I normally use for my lawnmower.  So now I guess I won’t be mowing my lawn any time soon.  Sure, I was able to find gas finally, but had to wait in line for over 30 minutes.  “Why does that have anything to do with sports, or A-Rod for that matter?” you ask…  Great question.  I swear I am not making this up, but I think that the gasoline shortage in Atlanta is due to one thing: A-Rod’s ridiculously high salary.  This past year, he made $27.5 million for 1 season.  That is approximately 160 games.  That is $171,875 per game, $19,097 per inning, and $3,182 per out.  My theory is that the New York Yankees needed to steal oil from our precious southeastern pipeline in order to get enough money to pay A-Rod’s salary, thus leaving all of our gas tanks as empty like Paris Hilton’s brain.  This whole story that the hurricanes have caused a gas shortage just isn’t true.

As many of you sports fans should know, the New York Yankees didn’t make the playoffs this year.  Even if they would’ve made it, A-Rod has traditionally done horribly in the playoffs anyways.  Here is another interesting tidbit: The Tampa Bay Rays have made it into the playoffs for the first time in franchise history.  How much do you think their combined payroll is for the 2008 season?  Just a tad over $43 million.  Yep, you heard me, their entire team could get paid with 2 years of A-Rod’s salary.  Their most expensive player is Carlos Pena at $6 million a year.  I can’t help but feel irritated by this!  A man who can’t even lead his team to the playoffs is almost getting paid more than an entire team who made it to the playoffs.  How does that make sense?

The salaries of some of today’s athletes are ridiculous.  To think that you need to make $27.5 million a year playing baseball and actually deserve it is ludicrous.  It sets a precedent for the future that it doesn’t really matter if your team wins or loses, at least there is enough money to blow your nose with.  Players like B.J. Upton of the Rays are making just over $400k per year (he had 26 more stolen bases than A-Rod by the way).

I’d actually like for someone to give me a justification with A-Rod’s salary.  If you can come up with a good reason, I’ll give you a prize.  But the prize won’t be a picture of Spencer Pratt from “The Hills”, because he is an idiot.  I hate that guy.


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