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Random Musings

Posted in 1 with tags , , , , , , , , on September 6, 2008 by nathanjzacharias

The Seattle SuperSonics are now the Oklahoma City Thunder.  The team went from being a scientific definition to a weather element.  In a way it actually makes sense.  Because now if fans start counting how many seconds it takes for the Thunder to score after their opponent does, it will help them determine how close they are to being a winning team.

Angels pitcher Jared Weaver cut his fingers while sitting down on the dugout bench, and he may have to miss his next start as a result.  That’s a weird way to get injured, but it’s not quite up to the level of Sammy Sosa’s costly sneeze, Kevin Brown introducing his pitching hand to the wall, and me pulling a muscle while studying.

The last time the Braves had a meaningless September was when Zack and Kelly had to have their own prom outside the school gym.  That was about a year before she dumped Zack for that “Fratboy babe stealer.”

Apparently Tatum Bell stole Rudi Johnson’s luggage after he was cut from the team.  What is this, junior high? Rumor has it Bell resorted to the five fingered discount after his plan to dip Johnson’s fingers in warm water while he slept fell through.

It’s becoming more and more common for athletes to give a statement over text.  Does that mean we’re going to see an increase in quotes along the lines of “OMG, I need an MRI.  TTYL!”

I just did some simple math and discovered that A-Rod makes $19,204 per inning.  Coincidentally, that’s how much it will cost to go see a game at the new Yankee Stadium.

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Mock Headlines

Posted in MLB with tags , , on June 1, 2008 by twonateshow

First of all, a big thanks to those of you who’ve kept up with the blog during our first week. We appreciate all 6 of our readers.

Today kicks off a new segment of the blog that will come your way every Sunday. Instead of one of us just posting a new blog, we’re going to do a joint posting every Sunday in which we have a little fun with the sports world.  So today, we’re going to make fun of sports headlines.

We’ve all seen them. The ones that writers use over and over and somehow think we’re still going to find it clever.  For example, every time the Braves make a big move the headline is always “Brave New World.” (Speaking of, how boring is that book?)  The Cardinals’ headlines typically always involve “..in the Cards.”  And apparently it’s a law that any article about Tiger Woods has to be titled, “Tiger on the Prowl.”

So withthat in mind, we came up with some fictional stories and then created some painful headlines of our own. This time around it’s related to the MLB.  But we had so much fun with these that you can expect to see something for the other sports in the future.  Hope you enjoy, and make sure to check back here every new for new content.

 

Team

Scenario

Headline

Baltimore Orioles

Cal Ripken Jr. visits Orioles clubhouse to give inspirational talk

 

Bird to the Wise

Arizona Diamondbacks

Brandon Webb signs a contract to keep him in Arizona for his career.

 

A Diamondback is Forever

Boston Red Sox

Red Sox win another championship

 

The Joy of Sox

Atlanta Braves

Entire Braves team shaves their heads to break out of slump

 

Home of the Shave

Chicago White Sox

Jermaine Dye gets beaned in the knee

 

Knee Sox

Chicago Cubs

Cubs play exhibition game on Thanksgiving

 

Turkey Cub

Cleveland Indians

Indians lose Joe Borowski to injury for the season, decide on “closer by committee”

 

Tribal Committee

Cincinnati Reds

Pete Rose and his son attend a Cincinnati Reds reunion

 

Roses are Reds

Detroit Tigers

Tigers sign Ted Lilly

 

Tiger Lilly

Colorado Rockies

MLB releases 2007 World Series DVD

 

Rockies Horror Picture Show

KC Royals

Royals play weekend series in Jamaica

 

Royal Caribbean

Florida Marlins

Marlins get swept in world series

 

Fish Tank

LA Angels

Angels pick up Joey Devine from A’s

 

Devine Intervention

Houston Astros

Astros win the record 117th game in a season

 

Astro-nomical feat!

Minnesota Twins

Mauer and Morneau have the same stats

 

Identical Twins

LA Dodgers

Dodgers pick up top prospect in 2008 draft

 

Dodge the Draft!

New York Yankees

Yankees pitcher Wang throws perfect game

 

A Yankee doodle dandy!

Milwaukee Brewers

Mike Cameron leaping catch prevents a home run 

Brewers have Hops!

Oakland Athletics

Athletics sweep series

 

Straight A’s

New York Mets

Mets players smoke celebratory cigars in clubhouse after winning the World Series

 

Cigar-mets!

Seattle Mariners

Mariners sign Buck Showalter to record deal as new manager

 

Captain of the Ship

Philadelphia Phillies

2/3 of Phillies roster catches a vicious cold

 

Philly Sneeze Steak

Tampa Bay Rays

Rays hit record number of doubles in game

 

Double-Rays!

Pittsburgh Pirates

Pirates acquire pitcher David Aardsma

 

Aaaarrrrrrrrrrdsma becomes a Buc

Texas Rangers

Obsessed Rangers fan gets restraining order

 

Stalker, Texas Ranger

San Diego Padres

Padres sign Abraham Nunez

 

Father Abraham

Toronto Blue Jays

Jays draw record number of walks in one game

 

Jaywalk!

SF Giants

Andre Ethier traded to Giants

 

Andre the Giant

St. Louis Cardinals

Cardinal visit teammate in hospital after surgery

 

Get Well, Card!

Washington Nationals

Nationals keep losing

National Emergency